[Daniel Joseph Feldman]

Ok, I have been an epic fan from day one. And as soon as the arena battles and the Christmas is Coming events launched, the whole thing became so frustrating I find myself losing much interest in the game, and I defintely play less frequently. Here are the bugs that REALLY bug me and have been going on for almost a month now with no signs that anyone is concerned or fixing what seem to be “minor” issues. Who am I to judge what a “minor bug” is other than these are major irritations:

1) cupcake trap, reflect and so forth that shows a graphic vine on a bird or enemy no longer show any vine or indication that the spell is on! Sometimes I hit an opponent and bam! watch my health take a punch, only to look at the enemy properties and they have an active Reflect spell that there is no longer any graphic for. This sucks.

2) you changed the rules for replaying battles on the island and caves! I can no longer borrow a bird for battle replays …. In fact the replay button has been removed altogether. Some of the caves have 12 wave battles which takes me an hour to get through. To lose to an unexpectedly powerful opponent at the end abs then NOT being able to use my borrowed bird again in a rematch really stinks. My progress through the caves has slowed down so significantly that I hardly play them anymore. Changing the rules on borrowing birds for battle restarts sucks.

3) the graphics for red’s paladin devotion do not distinguish when he has the shield applied to himself when he is also protecting another. This is not a new suck. This has been an ongoing suck that I kept hoping would be fixed by now. But alas, it still sucks.

4) the Golden Pig Machines rainbow riot makes me want to go into the street and pull my gay friends hair out and start a riot. The ratio for set items must be broken or it just sucks cat hair balls. Supposedly, it is three times more likely for a set time during a rainbow riot. I bought 200 gold coins for $9 a few weeks back for a riotous rainbow golden pig extravaganza. But to my surprise, I played 3 20g rolls and got nothing but lesser crap than what I had, instantly scrappable. 140 more gold (46 more 3g rolls) and I got only ONE new set item and ONE upgrade to an existing set item. All the rest was scrappable crappable. I got the stupid feather broom thing with a rubber glove FIVE times (120 points lower than anything I aleeady had) and a bunch of other junk, many of them repeated. Honestly, there is something totally completely and utterly wrong with the algorithm for awarding items, especially during a rainbow riot. In nearly 50 rolls to only get two set items (one was when the rainbow bar was all the way filled so it was forced to give me ONE) … If that represents 3 times greater chance of getting something, then we are talking about normal odds of about 1 in 75 rolls or 225 gold coins. And there I was $9 lighter and two set items with the jumping sparkling pig saying I had 2 minutes left to deposit any more of my money. The jumping sparkling dancing rainbow rioting pig can go jump and sparkle its way off the Golden Gate Bridge for all I care. Gay people do not suck but Rainbow riots totally suck.

5) why isn’t there a jump to the nest from nearly every screen? Why not? I am dying to know this. Who wants to jump back to the island, back to the nest, back to the island, just to change a weapon. Can you imagine how far Batman would have gone in his career if every time he wanted to switch from the finger taser to his collapsible bat sword he would have to go all the way back To the bat cave bt have to go thru City Hall first every time, he would have gone Batty? You get the point… How hard is it to put a link in to the best nearly everywhere, or even at the start of a battle, to click a character and change its class, weapon, or shield. How hard? Batman wants to know. Not having nest links everywhere sucks.

6) the frozen battle dilemma! Oh brother don’t get me started. The number of times I lost 3 arena battles in a row due to stupid game glitches is enough to make me call my mother and ask her if I could move back home. How hard is it to see that a game did not end naturally or that the program was stuck in a loop, and not to count that against the player. One arena battle I had SQUASHED the enemy into zucchini bread, and it just sat there, the enemies tattered banner on the ground, my enemies crying in agony over my brutal assault, and nothing. No scoreboard, no clicks on the screen would work. Soon I was the one crying in agony. “No you stupid effing game!! What the eff!?” Sadly, after letting it sit in its frozen state for a half hour, I sadly turned off the iPad to find that indeed Epic had scored me as the loser and it was my third strike for the day, and I had to medicate to stop myself from hurting someone nearby. Yes, oh yes indeed, the crashes and the losses, and the losses and game crashes, most indubitously suck.

I would live to demand immediate repairs by such and such date. But blah … Rovio has bigger fish to fry. Oh wait, they fry bacon. I guess I’ll keep dreaming as long as they continue to let this game suck. Just sayin …